Patching Sharepoint with the homebrew-method

Patchning Sharepoint is not something to taken lightly.
It's a high risk not to patch but a guaranteed risk to apply the patches.

Last year I had a difficult experience when I patched a semilarge(7 members) farm for the first time with Cumulative Updates.
This had 5 webapplications and +200 databases. And it took some time. Like 30 hours, most of the time being lost when running psconfig on each host.
Supposedly, sharepoint should only upgrade the databases on the first member run, but something still takes a lot of time, even its only to check if upgrade is required.

So a more effective method was needed.
I looked into the impressive SPPatchify-project but found the results to be too inconsistent. Sometimes the script ran through it all and said everything was green, when actually two servers had failed psconfigs and a lot of other issues giving half-finished state.
So I deviced my own hybrid method using the best parts of the sppatchify-idea and russmax exe-installationscript.

The method took the installationwindow down to 4 hours in total, where only 2 hours was complete downtime.
Its a bit more manual than others, but therefore also gives more control.

The steps
Preperations

1. Take whole farm offline and take snapshots, or use regular backups. Whichever method you trust most.
2. Backup All databases

Installation

1. Stop all sharepointrelated-services
1.  For AppServers 1. App-Prepatching
2.  For Frontends  1. WFE-PrePatching
2. Run exe on all members
3. Start all services 
1. For AppServers 2. App-PostPatching
2. For frontends  2. WFE-PostPatching
4. Export all databasinformation to file.
1. ExportAllDbs.ps1
5. Dismount all databases (after making sure you have all correct info on file from previousStep) This will take everything offline.
1. DismountAllDbs.ps1
6. Run psconfig on all members starting with AppServers
1. RunPSConfig.ps1 on each member 
7. Mount all databases
1. MountAllDbs.ps1  - Update the filename to your exported databases
8. Upgrade databases in parallel. While each db is upgrading website on it will be unavailable. If you're sql supports it you can mitigate this using -usesnapshot  How many concurrent jobs is depending on hardware. I found the sweetspot to be 4 concurrent jobs, after that it started taking longer time that running them in sequence. But this might vary. 
1. UpgradeDatabasesFaster.ps1
9. Check on warnings in Health Analyzer, make repairs if needed. 
10. Make sure User Profile Synchronizer service is running (if your using FIM-sync)

Below all relevant scripts. Use at your own risk.

	Add-PSSnapin Microsoft.SharePoint.Powershell -ErrorAction SilentlyContinue
	$starttime = Get-Date
	########################
	##Stop Search Services##
	########################
	##Checking Search services##
	$srchctr = 1
	$srch4srvctr = 1
	$srch5srvctr = 1
	$srv4 = get-service "OSearch15"
	$srv5 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	If(($srv4.status -eq "Running") -or ($srv5.status-eq "Running"))
	{
	# Write-Host "Choose 1 to Pause Search Service Application" -ForegroundColor Cyan
	# Write-Host "Choose 2 to leave Search Service Application running" -ForegroundColor Cyan
	# $searchappresult = Read-Host "Press 1 or 2 and hit enter"
	Write-Host
	# if($searchappresult -eq 1)
	# {
	$srchctr = 2
	Write-Host "Pausing the Search Service Application" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host "This could take a few minutes" -ForegroundColor Yellow
	$ssa = get-spenterprisesearchserviceapplication
	$ssa.pause()
	# }
	# elseif($searchappresult -eq 2)
	# {
	# Write-Host "Continuing without pausing the Search Service Application"
	# }
	# else
	# {
	# Write-Host "Run the script again and choose option 1 or 2" -ForegroundColor Red
	# Write-Host "Exiting Script" -ForegroundColor Red
	# Return
	# }
	}
	Write-Host "Stopping Search Services if they are running" -foregroundcolor yellow
	if($srv4.status -eq "Running")
	{
	$srch4srvctr = 2
	set-service -Name "OSearch15" -startuptype Disabled
	$srv4.stop()
	}
	if($srv5.status -eq "Running")
	{
	$srch5srvctr = 2
	Set-service "SPSearchHostController" -startuptype Disabled
	$srv5.stop()
	}
	do
	{
	$srv6 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	if($srv6.status -eq "Stopped")
	{
	$yes = 1
	}
	Start-Sleep -seconds 10
	}
	until ($yes -eq 1)
	Write-Host "Search Services are stopped" -foregroundcolor Green
	Write-Host
	#######################
	##Stop Other Services##
	#######################
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Disabled
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Disabled
	Write-Host "Gracefully stopping IIS W3WP Processes" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	iisreset -stop -noforce
	Write-Host "Stopping Services" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	if($srv2.status -eq "Running")
	{$srv2.stop()}
	Write-Host "Services are Stopped" -ForegroundColor Green
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"
	Write-Host "Script Complete"

view raw 1.App-PrePatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	$starttime = Get-Date
	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	#######################
	##Stop Other Services##
	#######################
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Disabled
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Disabled
	Write-Host "Gracefully stopping IIS W3WP Processes" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	iisreset -stop -noforce
	Write-Host "Stopping Services" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	if($srv2.status -eq "Running")
	{$srv2.stop()}
	#stop distcache
	write-host -foregroundcolor yellow "Stopping Distributed Cache Service gracefully..."
	Stop-SPDistributedCacheServiceInstance -graceful
	write-host -foregroundcolor red "Distributed Cache is stopped."
	$instance = get-spserviceinstance |where-object {$_.typename -eq "Distributed Cache" -and $_.Server.Name -eq $env:computername}
	write-host -foregroundcolor Yellow "Status of Distributed Cache Services = "$instance.status
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"
	Write-Host "Script Complete"

view raw 1.WFE-PrePatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin Microsoft.SharePoint.Powershell
	$starttime = Get-Date
	##################
	##Start Services##
	##################
	Write-Host "Starting Services Backup" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Automatic
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Automatic
	##Grabbing local server and starting services##
	$servername = hostname
	$server = get-spserver $servername
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	$srv2.start()
	$srv3 = get-service "IISADMIN"
	$srv3.start()
	$srv4 = get-service "OSearch15"
	$srv5 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	###Starting Search Services###
	set-service -Name "OSearch15" -startuptype Automatic
	$srv4.start()
	Set-service "SPSearchHostController" -startuptype Automatic
	$srv5.start()
	###Resuming Search Service Application###
	Write-Host "Resuming the Search Service Application" -foregroundcolor yellow
	$ssa = get-spenterprisesearchserviceapplication
	$ssa.resume()
	#distcache
	write-host -foregroundcolor green "Starting service .."
	$instance = get-spserviceinstance |where-object {$_.typename -eq "Distributed Cache" -and $_.Server.Name -eq $env:computername}
	$instance.provision()
	write-output "Distributed Cache has status: $($instance.status)"
	Write-Host "Services are Started" -foregroundcolor green
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"

view raw 3. App-PostPatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$starttime = Get-Date
	##################
	##Start Services##
	##################
	Write-Host "Starting Services Backup" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Automatic
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Automatic
	##Grabbing local server and starting services##
	$servername = hostname
	$server = get-spserver $servername
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	$srv2.start()
	$srv3 = get-service "IISADMIN"
	$srv3.start()
	#$srv4 = get-service "OSearch15"
	#$srv5 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	###Starting Search Services###
	#set-service -Name "OSearch15" -startuptype Automatic
	#$srv4.start()
	#Set-service "SPSearchHostController" -startuptype Automatic
	#$srv5.start()
	###Resuming Search Service Application###
	#Write-Host "Resuming the Search Service Application" -foregroundcolor yellow
	#$ssa = get-spenterprisesearchserviceapplication
	#$ssa.resume()
	write-output "Starting service .."
	$instance = get-spserviceinstance |where-object {$_.typename -eq "Distributed Cache" -and $_.Server.Name -eq $env:computername}
	$instance.provision()
	write-output "Distributed Cache has status: $($instance.status)"
	Write-output "Services are Started"
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"
	Write-Host "Script Complete"

view raw 3.WFE-PostPatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$alldbs = get-spcontentdatabase
	$scriptPath = $(split-path -Parent $myinvocation.MyCommand.Definition)
	$fileName = "Databases_$(get-date -format 'yyMMdd_HHmm')"
	$object = @()
	foreach ($db in $alldbs) {
	$tempObj = [pscustomobject]@{name=$db.name;webapplication=$db.webapplication.url;databaseserver=$db.normalizeddatasource }
	$object += $tempObj
	}
	$object |export-csv -Path "$($scriptPath)\$($fileName).csv"
	write-output "Exported $($alldbs.count) databases to file"

view raw 4.ExportAllDbs.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$alldbs = get-spcontentdatabase
	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	foreach ($db in $alldbs) {
	write-output "Dismounting $($db.name)"
	Dismount-SPContentDatabase $db.name -Confirm:$false
	}
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"

view raw 5.DismountAllDbs.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	push-location "C:\Program Files\Common Files\microsoft shared\Web Server Extensions\15\bin"
	.\psconfig.exe -cmd upgrade -inplace b2b -wait -cmd applicationcontent -install -cmd installfeatures -cmd secureresources -cmd services -install
	Pop-Location
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).TotalMinutes) minutes"

view raw 6.RunPsConfig.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$alldbs = get-spcontentdatabase
	$scriptPath = $(split-path -Parent $myinvocation.MyCommand.Definition)
	$fileName = "Databases_170530_1301.csv"
	$collection = import-csv -path "$($scriptPath)\$($fileName)"
	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	foreach ($db in $collection) {
	try {
	Mount-SPContentDatabase -Name $db.name -WebApplication $db.WebApplication -DatabaseServer $db.databaseserver
	}
	catch {write-output "error: $($_.exception)" }
	}
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalminutes) minutes"

view raw 7.MountAllDbs.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	#created: 2017-05-30
	#lastModified: 2017-05-30
	#description: starts powershell jobs to run $numberofConcurrent at the same time
	add-pssnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$numberofConcurrentJobs = 4
	$jobName = "UpgradeDbs"
	$collection = get-spcontentdatabase |where-object {$_.needsupgrade -eq $true}
	$counterJobs = 0
	if ($collection.count -ne 0 -or $collection -ne $null) {
	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	write-output "Found $($collection.count) databases to upgrade"
	foreach ($item in $collection) {
	#argone has to be a string value. no objects allowed.
	$argOne = $item.name
	start-job -name "$($jobName)_$($argOne)" -ScriptBlock {
	$internalString = $args[0]
	#where action happens
	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	try {
	Upgrade-SPContentDatabase $internalString -Confirm:$false -erroraction stop | out-null
	}
	catch { write-warning "Error: $internalString : $($_.exception)" }
	} -ArgumentList $argOne
	$counterJobs++
	#check numberof running jobs, wait until new one can be started
	$jobs = get-job |Where-Object {$_.name -like "$jobName*" -and $_.state -like "Running"}
	while ($jobs.count -ge $numberofConcurrentJobs) {
	write-output "Waiting for jobs.... at count: $($jobs.count) (started $counterJobs so far) "
	start-sleep 5
	$jobs = get-job |Where-Object {$_.name -like "$jobName*" -and $_.state -like "Running"}
	}
	}
	#wait for all jobs to be completed
	while ($jobs.count -gt 0) {
	$jobs = get-job |Where-Object {$_.name -like "$jobName*" -and $_.state -like "Running"}
	write-output "Waiting for all jobs to clear... $($jobs.count) left"
	if ($jobs.count -gt 0) {start-sleep 15}
	}
	#get results from all jobs
	get-job |where-object {$_.name -like "$jobName*"} |receive-job -AutoRemoveJob -wait
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalminutes) minutes ($(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds)"
	}
	else { write-output "Couldnt find any databases needing upgrade" }

view raw 8.UpgradeDatabasesFaster.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin Microsoft.SharePoint.Powershell -ErrorAction SilentlyContinue
	$starttime = Get-Date
	########################
	##Stop Search Services##
	########################
	##Checking Search services##
	$srchctr = 1
	$srch4srvctr = 1
	$srch5srvctr = 1
	$srv4 = get-service "OSearch15"
	$srv5 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	If(($srv4.status -eq "Running") -or ($srv5.status-eq "Running"))
	{
	# Write-Host "Choose 1 to Pause Search Service Application" -ForegroundColor Cyan
	# Write-Host "Choose 2 to leave Search Service Application running" -ForegroundColor Cyan
	# $searchappresult = Read-Host "Press 1 or 2 and hit enter"
	Write-Host
	# if($searchappresult -eq 1)
	# {
	$srchctr = 2
	Write-Host "Pausing the Search Service Application" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host "This could take a few minutes" -ForegroundColor Yellow
	$ssa = get-spenterprisesearchserviceapplication
	$ssa.pause()
	# }
	# elseif($searchappresult -eq 2)
	# {
	# Write-Host "Continuing without pausing the Search Service Application"
	# }
	# else
	# {
	# Write-Host "Run the script again and choose option 1 or 2" -ForegroundColor Red
	# Write-Host "Exiting Script" -ForegroundColor Red
	# Return
	# }
	}
	Write-Host "Stopping Search Services if they are running" -foregroundcolor yellow
	if($srv4.status -eq "Running")
	{
	$srch4srvctr = 2
	set-service -Name "OSearch15" -startuptype Disabled
	$srv4.stop()
	}
	if($srv5.status -eq "Running")
	{
	$srch5srvctr = 2
	Set-service "SPSearchHostController" -startuptype Disabled
	$srv5.stop()
	}
	do
	{
	$srv6 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	if($srv6.status -eq "Stopped")
	{
	$yes = 1
	}
	Start-Sleep -seconds 10
	}
	until ($yes -eq 1)
	Write-Host "Search Services are stopped" -foregroundcolor Green
	Write-Host
	#######################
	##Stop Other Services##
	#######################
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Disabled
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Disabled
	Write-Host "Gracefully stopping IIS W3WP Processes" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	iisreset -stop -noforce
	Write-Host "Stopping Services" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	if($srv2.status -eq "Running")
	{$srv2.stop()}
	Write-Host "Services are Stopped" -ForegroundColor Green
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"
	Write-Host "Script Complete"

view raw 1.App-PrePatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	$starttime = Get-Date
	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	#######################
	##Stop Other Services##
	#######################
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Disabled
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Disabled
	Write-Host "Gracefully stopping IIS W3WP Processes" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	iisreset -stop -noforce
	Write-Host "Stopping Services" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Write-Host
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	if($srv2.status -eq "Running")
	{$srv2.stop()}
	#stop distcache
	write-host -foregroundcolor yellow "Stopping Distributed Cache Service gracefully..."
	Stop-SPDistributedCacheServiceInstance -graceful
	write-host -foregroundcolor red "Distributed Cache is stopped."
	$instance = get-spserviceinstance |where-object {$_.typename -eq "Distributed Cache" -and $_.Server.Name -eq $env:computername}
	write-host -foregroundcolor Yellow "Status of Distributed Cache Services = "$instance.status
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"
	Write-Host "Script Complete"

view raw 1.WFE-PrePatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin Microsoft.SharePoint.Powershell
	$starttime = Get-Date
	##################
	##Start Services##
	##################
	Write-Host "Starting Services Backup" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Automatic
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Automatic
	##Grabbing local server and starting services##
	$servername = hostname
	$server = get-spserver $servername
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	$srv2.start()
	$srv3 = get-service "IISADMIN"
	$srv3.start()
	$srv4 = get-service "OSearch15"
	$srv5 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	###Starting Search Services###
	set-service -Name "OSearch15" -startuptype Automatic
	$srv4.start()
	Set-service "SPSearchHostController" -startuptype Automatic
	$srv5.start()
	###Resuming Search Service Application###
	Write-Host "Resuming the Search Service Application" -foregroundcolor yellow
	$ssa = get-spenterprisesearchserviceapplication
	$ssa.resume()
	#distcache
	write-host -foregroundcolor green "Starting service .."
	$instance = get-spserviceinstance |where-object {$_.typename -eq "Distributed Cache" -and $_.Server.Name -eq $env:computername}
	$instance.provision()
	write-output "Distributed Cache has status: $($instance.status)"
	Write-Host "Services are Started" -foregroundcolor green
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"

view raw 3. App-PostPatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$starttime = Get-Date
	##################
	##Start Services##
	##################
	Write-Host "Starting Services Backup" -foregroundcolor yellow
	Set-Service -Name "SPTimerV4" -startuptype Automatic
	Set-Service -Name "IISADMIN" -startuptype Automatic
	##Grabbing local server and starting services##
	$servername = hostname
	$server = get-spserver $servername
	$srv2 = get-service "SPTimerV4"
	$srv2.start()
	$srv3 = get-service "IISADMIN"
	$srv3.start()
	#$srv4 = get-service "OSearch15"
	#$srv5 = get-service "SPSearchHostController"
	###Starting Search Services###
	#set-service -Name "OSearch15" -startuptype Automatic
	#$srv4.start()
	#Set-service "SPSearchHostController" -startuptype Automatic
	#$srv5.start()
	###Resuming Search Service Application###
	#Write-Host "Resuming the Search Service Application" -foregroundcolor yellow
	#$ssa = get-spenterprisesearchserviceapplication
	#$ssa.resume()
	write-output "Starting service .."
	$instance = get-spserviceinstance |where-object {$_.typename -eq "Distributed Cache" -and $_.Server.Name -eq $env:computername}
	$instance.provision()
	write-output "Distributed Cache has status: $($instance.status)"
	Write-output "Services are Started"
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"
	Write-Host "Script Complete"

view raw 3.WFE-PostPatching.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$alldbs = get-spcontentdatabase
	$scriptPath = $(split-path -Parent $myinvocation.MyCommand.Definition)
	$fileName = "Databases_$(get-date -format 'yyMMdd_HHmm')"
	$object = @()
	foreach ($db in $alldbs) {
	$tempObj = [pscustomobject]@{name=$db.name;webapplication=$db.webapplication.url;databaseserver=$db.normalizeddatasource }
	$object += $tempObj
	}
	$object |export-csv -Path "$($scriptPath)\$($fileName).csv"
	write-output "Exported $($alldbs.count) databases to file"

view raw 4.ExportAllDbs.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$alldbs = get-spcontentdatabase
	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	foreach ($db in $alldbs) {
	write-output "Dismounting $($db.name)"
	Dismount-SPContentDatabase $db.name -Confirm:$false
	}
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds"

view raw 5.DismountAllDbs.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	push-location "C:\Program Files\Common Files\microsoft shared\Web Server Extensions\15\bin"
	.\psconfig.exe -cmd upgrade -inplace b2b -wait -cmd applicationcontent -install -cmd installfeatures -cmd secureresources -cmd services -install
	Pop-Location
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).TotalMinutes) minutes"

view raw 6.RunPsConfig.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$alldbs = get-spcontentdatabase
	$scriptPath = $(split-path -Parent $myinvocation.MyCommand.Definition)
	$fileName = "Databases_170530_1301.csv"
	$collection = import-csv -path "$($scriptPath)\$($fileName)"
	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	foreach ($db in $collection) {
	try {
	Mount-SPContentDatabase -Name $db.name -WebApplication $db.WebApplication -DatabaseServer $db.databaseserver
	}
	catch {write-output "error: $($_.exception)" }
	}
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalminutes) minutes"

view raw 7.MountAllDbs.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

	#created: 2017-05-30
	#lastModified: 2017-05-30
	#description: starts powershell jobs to run $numberofConcurrent at the same time
	add-pssnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	$numberofConcurrentJobs = 4
	$jobName = "UpgradeDbs"
	$collection = get-spcontentdatabase |where-object {$_.needsupgrade -eq $true}
	$counterJobs = 0
	if ($collection.count -ne 0 -or $collection -ne $null) {
	$startTime = get-date
	write-host "script started at $($startTime)"
	write-output "Found $($collection.count) databases to upgrade"
	foreach ($item in $collection) {
	#argone has to be a string value. no objects allowed.
	$argOne = $item.name
	start-job -name "$($jobName)_$($argOne)" -ScriptBlock {
	$internalString = $args[0]
	#where action happens
	Add-PSSnapin microsoft.sharepoint.powershell
	try {
	Upgrade-SPContentDatabase $internalString -Confirm:$false -erroraction stop | out-null
	}
	catch { write-warning "Error: $internalString : $($_.exception)" }
	} -ArgumentList $argOne
	$counterJobs++
	#check numberof running jobs, wait until new one can be started
	$jobs = get-job |Where-Object {$_.name -like "$jobName*" -and $_.state -like "Running"}
	while ($jobs.count -ge $numberofConcurrentJobs) {
	write-output "Waiting for jobs.... at count: $($jobs.count) (started $counterJobs so far) "
	start-sleep 5
	$jobs = get-job |Where-Object {$_.name -like "$jobName*" -and $_.state -like "Running"}
	}
	}
	#wait for all jobs to be completed
	while ($jobs.count -gt 0) {
	$jobs = get-job |Where-Object {$_.name -like "$jobName*" -and $_.state -like "Running"}
	write-output "Waiting for all jobs to clear... $($jobs.count) left"
	if ($jobs.count -gt 0) {start-sleep 15}
	}
	#get results from all jobs
	get-job |where-object {$_.name -like "$jobName*"} |receive-job -AutoRemoveJob -wait
	$endtime = get-date
	write-host "Done in $(($endtime-$starttime).totalminutes) minutes ($(($endtime-$starttime).totalseconds) seconds)"
	}
	else { write-output "Couldnt find any databases needing upgrade" }

view raw 8.UpgradeDatabasesFaster.ps1 hosted with ❤ by GitHub

References:
https://blogs.msdn.microsoft.com/russmax/2013/04/01/why-sharepoint-2013-cumulative-update-takes-5-hours-to-install/ - Russmax excellent script for halting services before running exe. Saving hours
http://www.spjeff.com/2016/05/16/sppatchify-cu-patch-entire-farm-from-one-script/ - SpJeffs
https://blogs.technet.microsoft.com/stefan_gossner/2015/08/20/why-i-prefer-psconfigui-exe-over-psconfig-exe/ - Excellent resource for patching